Brick's Career-A Selected Filmography

Why a selected filmography? Well, I’ve been in dozens of jidai-geki and chambara TV shows and films as an uncredited extra. When you’re under contract, the Studio likes to get their money’s worth-and why not? Usually I’m three or four different characters in the same scene. Walk across the background, turn a corner, take off your outer robe to reveal a new costume, walk across the other way, put on a hat and pick up a vendor backpack, go up a house and walk across again, put on a straw raincoat and pull a cart across the street-you get the idea. It’ll look like a teemin’ crowd with only 10 or so extras, most of which are employees at the Studio’s theme park. I haven’t kept track of these extra bits over the years, and usually don’t even know what show’s filmin’ when I’m doin’ it.

Green=American Released Films

Red= Japanese Released Films

Orange=Japanese TV

Purple=Japanese Documentary

Filmed in the USA:

1)The Pizza Delivery Guy series (1992-1995)-direct to video, the Brickster worked his way through college actin’ in these. I play the titular unnamed Pizza Delivery Guy, servin’ it up hot to hungry gals everywhere. The plots are all pretty much the same-if you’ve ever watched movies where the soundtrack is basically bass guitar and bedsprings, you get the idea. After this, I started workin’ in low budget horror-these were all straight to VHS and many of them are lost films now-here’s a few examples:

2)Stakeout (1996-AKA Vampire Sluts)-The Brickster appears as occult investigator Roger Chillingsworth, here lookin' into a nest of vampiric call girls in Vegas. Poor Roger can’t help samplin’ the wares, usually layin’ down some pipe before he pounds those wooden stakes. I was in several of these vampire flicks filmed in and around Cincinnati, but they all blur together in my mind these days.

3)Crankenstein (1999-AKA The Monster Wore A Purple Helmet)-the Victorian sittin' rooms of London become standin' room only as the ladies line up to see Dr. Frankenstein’s over-endowed creation, Crankenstein (played by yers truly).

4)Hannibelle (2000)-as FBI Agent Johnny Lawson, the Brickster is assigned to pump information from the beautiful but deadly serial killer Hannibelle. When intellectual joustin' fails to do the trick, Johnny turns to his partner, the enigmatic and rarely glimpsed Mr. Crackers, for assistance.

Filmed In Japan (film titles translated from the Japanese):

OK, none of my American work will ever win me an Academy Award. But it put food on the table and beer in the fridge, and I met a lot of great people. One of these, Maeda Kunio, a student at the University Of Cincinnati who was part of the film crew on Stakeout, invited me to visit him at his parent’s home in Kyoto over the summer of 2001. He mentioned they were castin’ for foreigners down at the Studio, so I decided to give it a go. After lyin’ like crazy about my resume, I got the male lead in:

1)Idiot Foreign Son-In-Law (2001), my first Japanese film. I play the role of Randy Schadel, a low-rankin' employee of S-Mart that marries the daughter of a wealthy tradition-bound Japanese investor. Bein’ as how I was new to Japan, there wasn’t much actin’ involved, and the movie was a big hit. Better yet, I met Koyori on the set and married her a couple of months later. Her father, who produced the film, still complains about life imitatin' art.

2)Idiot Foreign Son-In-Law Must Die (2002)-the sequel. Koyori’s dad appeared in this one, and still says it’s his favorite film.

3)Lust In Translation (2002)-I play Bill Venkman, an English teacher who specializes in teachin' the gals French in private lessons after his employer goes bankrupt.

4)American Yakuza (2002)-this is where my Japanese career started to move from light romantic comedy to action-adventure and began to lay the groundwork for the Brick McBurly character of today. Here I play bar owner Steve Martin, who refuses to pay protection to the local yakuza thugs. The title’s a misnomer, since I never join the Yakuza, but I sure beat the crap out of them.

5)The Dog Style Shogun (2002)-based on the book, this was my first period film. Sadly, not the title role, but a decent part as Hattori Hanzo the Fifth. My face is covered the whole time, but the swordplay I learned was to come in handy very soon.

About this time, a bunch of my pals at the Studio thought it would be funny to have me be Warrior Monk Benkei at the Gion Matsuri. It went over great with the crowd and even got some play in the newspaper and on TV. I was also in the news when I broke up a robbery attempt at the liquor store (hey, the jackasses were holdin’ up the line). One of the suits in the front office saw possibilities in this and signed me to do my breakthrough film:

6)Shogun Sexecutioner (2003)

 In this parody of the Lone Wolf films, I play Orugasuma Eito, who is removed from his post as Chief Of Security Of The O’oku through double dealin's by the evil Yankyu clan. I get my revenge by seducin' the wives of all the Shogunate officials that have wronged me. We were amazed at the box office this low-budget effort did, along with the critical acclaim-my ‘swordplay’ was praised far and wide. Women in particular loved the film-the Brickster’s unique blend of exotic good looks, comedic talent, manliness, and vulnerability (it’s in my contract that I get a gratuitous shot to the nuts at least once a film from an angry female) brought them into theaters in droves.

Never ones to let an opportunity slip by, the Studio struck while the iron was hot and rushed into production the ‘Poisonous Seducer’ series:

7)Brick McBurly And The Samurai Chicks (2003)

8)Brick McBurly And The Ninja Gals (2004)

9)Brick McBurly And The Shrine Maidens Of Doom (2004)

I play ‘Brick McBurly’ in all three, although it’s always a different character-a sailor on Perry’s black ships in ‘Samurai Chicks’, a diplomat in ‘Ninja Gals’, and an adventurer/archaeologist in ‘Shrine Maidens’. Usin' my name for the character also let the Studio cash in on my growin' popularity resultin’ from my appearances on Japanese game shows/talk shows/variety shows. All three films did well. ‘Samurai Chicks’ was just released as a double DVD boxed collector’s set, and we reunited the cast to go and film a bunch of DVD extras. ‘Shrine Maidens’ is considered to be the first real appearance of the Brick McBurly character as it stands now. It's also the first film that the Brickster's canine pal, Corky The Wonder Dog,

makes a cameo in. While Corky's a liitle scene-stealin' runt of a dog, he's also the most effective chick magnet devised by man.

10)The Bitter Teamaster TV series (2004-2005)-the evil teamaster, Sen No Nagaeyari, grimly goes about his task of preparin' tea with exactin' fortitude. Equipped with his thermometer, scale, and other grisly tools of teabrewin', the Bitter Teamaster passes judgement on the worthiness of the daimyo of the land. Many of the mightiest warlords quake in fear of hearin' the words, 'No Tea For You!!!'. But there's hope for the beverage challenged samurai of Japan-the brother of Western Samurai Will Adams, Sam Adams (played by the Brickster), is a recurrin' character on the series. Sam introduces his line of low-cost, high buzz microbrewed beers to Japan. This leads to the inevitable showdown and culture clash between East and West. The series has earned high praise for its humorous indictment of modern consumerism in a Sengoku Jidai settin'.

11)Benkei & Tomoe (2005)-Here I play warrior monk Benkei on the big screen for the first time. This was a low budget effort, and was the Brickster’s only appearance in a ‘chick’ film-in a crazy revisionist historical fantasy, Benkei and Tomoe find true love, givin’ up their warrior ways and raisin’ a lovin’ family. Watchin’ this movie still scares the hell out of me, but it really solidified my popularity with the ladies.

12)The Mountain Aesthetic TV series (2005-2006)-this was similar to the Wicked Priest or Zatoichi series, with the Brickster playin’ Monk Gyonyo. Gyonyo never takes off his basket head fer nothin’-not even when indulgin’ in a little lovin’. There were twelve episodes and they all follow the standard plot-Gyonyo wanders into a new town and finds the locals in distress over a dishonest magistrate/corrupt merchant/brutal yakuza boss/all of the above. When tryin’ to impart the wisdom of Buddha don’t do the trick, Gyonyo resorts to crackin’ heads instead, which always works. I can’t tell ya the number of fan letters I got from women wantin’ to take private flute lessons from Gyonyo. The series did well (in fact, this is the character the Studio used to represent me in their lobby display) and the Studio wanted to pick up a second season, but I wuz growin’ concerned about my face always bein’ covered onscreen. While we began outlinin' a new vehicle, I appeared in

13)The Lust Samurai (2006)-again, my face was covered by a mempo pretty much the whole time. Durin' the dyin' days of the samurai class in the early 1870’s, my character Karuza Toma struggles under the Meiji government’s growin' restrictions on the samurai. With stipends bein’ revoked, the two swords stripped away, and topknots outlawed Toma decides there’s only one thing to do-whore himself out to women in an early version of cosplay. This doesn’t sit well with the traditionalists among the samurai (most of whose wives are clients of Toma’s), who attempt to have him declared an outlaw by the Meiji government. It’s a sad, touchin' tale, and many critics consider Toma’s slow motion charge across an open field after escapin' through the bathroom window of his latest client to be one of the most tragic moments in modern cinema. Toma’s package is snagged on a rose bush right before he reaches safety, allowin' the local gendarmes to gun him down like a dog.

Also in 2006, I appeared in the PC game 'Takeda 2' as a 'fictional character'-a general in Uesugi Kenshin's army. The general used my character name of 'Randy Schadel' from the 'Idiot Foreign Son-In-Law' series and featured a computerized rendition of the Brickster in samurai 'do. The character was the most effective teppo general in the Uesugi army and also excelled at leadin' ashigaru. When I played the game, he also ended up marryin' Uesugi's sister and inheritin' the domain when Kenshin got killed. And I transferred every female character in the game into my home castle at Himeji.

I wuz beginnin’ to forget what I looked like by this time. After talkin’ it over with the suits, we decided to base a new series that would allow exploitation of my public image and do it in a way that allowed my smilin’ mug to be featured. While we worked on the series, I tried somethin' new-hostin' a documentary:

14)The Search For Seagull (2007)-when actor Stephen Seagull disappeared in mid-2007, the Studio decided to go to his private island of Toba-Fushimi and film a documentary centerin' on the search for the ol’ boy. I got picked because our upcomin' series was still in pre-production and I was available and under contract. I figured it would be a breeze, since Seagull was sure to show up when he got hungry-and THAT wouldn’t take long. I was wrong. We never did find him (although he turned up in a monastery months later), and the show became more of a Stephen Seagull retrospective. We did get some great ‘Girls Gone Wild’ type footage on Toba-Fushimi, so the show did well in the ratin's.

Finally, my current project took shape:


15)Abarenbo Gaijin (Troublemaker Foreigner, 2007)-now on TV and doin’ great. Here I am on the set of the O'oku, relaxin' with the actress who plays Kasuga No Tsubone while we're settin' up fer publicity shots. You can find out everythin’ ya need to know about Abarenbo elsewhere on the site, and don’t forget to buy my shirts.

16)Kuraku'd Tengu (2007)-the story of Kurata Tenzen (played by yers truly), a Loyalist drunkard from the master brewers of the Shochu clan who takes to the streets in his secret identity of Kuraku'd Tengu to battle the forces of the mean ol' Shinsengumi and other righteous defenders of the glorious Tokugawa Shogunate. Here's a shot Koyori took with her cell phone on the set a few months ago:

Kuraku'd Tengu employs his infamous 'drinkin' bout' technique to render the members of the Shinsengumi helpless. His callin' card (in the tradition of Zorro) is to leave the bar tab pinned to the chest of his passed-out victims. Evil magistrates, black hearted Bakufu assassins, and sake shop owners quake in fear at the very mention of his name. It's a role I was born to play!

17) Abarenbo Gaijin: Season 2 (2008) started production, with the Brickster, Koyori, and Seimei returnin' from season one to continue screwin' around with the Japanese timestream. And we do it on a fraction of the budget that those hack job copycats did for HEROES. You can read more about the season two lineup in the Abarenbo Gaijin section elsewhere on the site and keep up with the latest happenin's on McBurly Monogatari.

18) While the Brickster thought the Abarenbo Gaijin Anime would be his debut in the world of animation voice-overs, turns out it'll be in a new project from Cartoon Network Japan-a spoof on last year's NHK taiga drama, Furinkazan-it'll be called Fool'n Kazan (2008). The creators of South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, have been signed by CNJ to produce this 1 1/2 hr anime. Here's the character model sheet:

The characters are (from l to r) Takeda's enemy, the drunken warlord Uesugi Kenshin; Takeda's strategist and foil, Yamamoto Kansuke; Takeda Shingen; Takeda's chick Yuhime (concept art provided by Obenjo Animation Studios, Inc). The Brickster'll be providin' the voice for Shingen. I was hopin' I could land Ko the job for doin' Yuhime's VO, but they already had someone else in mind. Look for it in early 2009.

19) The Brickster's newest classic Onryou Ryoushi debuted in Cannes-you can read more about the screenin' in the May 23rd, 2008 entry on McBurly Monogatari. Onryou Ryoushi is somethin’ of a departure for the Brickster. It’s very dark and serious, noir-ish even. Lots of bloody violence, decrapitations, disembowelments, brain eatin’, weird science, and extremely ugly, decomposed, evil ghosts. And that’s just in the first scene. Not much in the way of lovin’ or comedy for my role, either, although there’s a lot of black humor ala Re-Animator. The Brickster plays Dexter Ward, a man who’s lost his family to a particularly nasty onryou-a former kami whose shrine had fallen into neglect and was no longer worshipped, warpin’ it into an onryou filled with a propensity to kill any human who wanders into his territory. Dexter’s family buys the suspiciously cheap home and when his wife and kids discover the neglected shrine on the attached land, they begin to clean it up and restore it. Bad move-the onryou, rather than appreciatin’ the gesture, just grows more resentful that it took so long and kills them. Dexter is driven mad by the event and swears to eradicate all manner of otherworldly beings (be they Onryou, Yokai, or whatever). This he does by readin’ old books from the Heian court’s Onmyouryou, studyin’ with Shingon priests, and in general learnin’ every supernatural method he can to banish and kick the ass of vengeful spirits (short of dressin’ up like a really ugly woman, one of Abe No Seimei’s favorite tricks and a garn-teed crowd pleaser in the Ponchoto district). Along the way he meets his assistant Kiku. Unbeknownst to Dexter, Kiku is actually a Rokurokubi-a Yokai, the famous Japanese long-necked woman. Bein’ a Rokurokubi, Kiku can do all sorts of amazin’ things…like…uhh…like bein’ able to see over fences without standin’ on a crate an’ stuff. Probably comes in handy durin’ sex, too, but in a real life tragedy this aspect ain’t explored in the film-the writers musta been gay. Anyway, since Kiku is in effect both Dexter’s lover and enemy, this gives the film all kinds of opportunities for angst, inner turmoil, and redemption-the kind of crap that critics lap up like mothers milk. The rest of us will just have to be content with kewl monsters, lookin’ at Koyori’s butt, lots of CGI, blood, internal organs, and things gettin’ blown up.

There’s even red tinted, out of focus avant garde monster POV shots. Really, what more could a moviegoer want? Hell, when we previewed it for "Fighting Women's News", they gushed over it like schoolgirls-"McBurly's performance left us in an exhausted heap and wanting more! MORE! OH GOD, MORE!!!"

20) The sequel to my biggest hit (Shogun Sexecutioner), Shogun Sexecutioner II: The Amorous Assassin hit the big screen in September of 2008. Here's a copy of the flyer along with a post on the Samurai Archives Samurai Film board about the film, penned by ny agent Obenjo Kusanosuke (who also produced all the press kit materials):

I managed to get some stuff out of the official media kit for Brick McBurly’s latest film, Shogun Sexecutioner II: The Amorous Assassin. Brick forgot to get me an invitation to the sneak preview/world premiere that was held in the Kabukicho area of Shinjuku in Tokyo last night, but Ashigaru, who was invited, stopped over my place this morning on his way home from the all-night post-premier party. He lost most of his media kit stuff somewhere between the Bar Furry Kitty and the Yamanote line train he rode around 7:30 this morning. Ashi was able to tell me what the story is about before passing out and gave me a couple of b&w publicity stills that were included with the media kit.

Apparently, Brick's character, Orugasuma Eito, former shogunal executioner, who lost his job and status because he was playing around in the Ooku (SE I), is back and up to his usual escapades. Maruhanki, a wealthy kimono merchant in Edo, hires Orugasuma to assassinate a daimyo-none other than Asano Naganori, Lord of Ako. The film takes place in late 1700, a little before the famous incident in Edos Hall of Pines involving Asano and the hapless Lord Kira (Brick's note-this would be the famous '47 Ronin' incident). Anyway, the lecherous Asano had his way with Maruhanki's wife, O-Sukurichi, and the shame of the incident can only be cleansed by the flowing of Asano's blood. Orugasuma is given his contract and proceeds to start hunting down his target. But Asano, as dumb as he is, has a few sharp retainers who figure out that Orugasuma is after their lord. So, they wisely hide Asano in the notorious Yoshiwara red-light district, where their daimyo can lay low and indulge in his lecherous ways. Orugasuma gets wind of where Asano is hiding and happily trails him into the Yoshiwara. Brick rationalizes it as "Why not mix a little business with pleasure?"

Orugasuma proceeds to enter a brothel, expecting to find Asano, but is instead attacked by a horde of working gals who have been paid-off by Asano's retainers. Brick is stripped down to his fundoshi and forced to strut his stuff for the ladies in a latticed cage, reversing the norm and making a strong social statement at the same time. But Brick being Brick, decides to make the most of the situation, turning his confinement into a stage show of sorts and becoming extremely popular with the ladies and a source of income for the brothel's mama-san. (see photo above). Ladies from all the houses are soon coming to see the Brickster's show. After raking in 500 ryo in a three day period, Brick is set free and given a free run of the house and finds himself being asked to help many a beautiful lady wash their back in the bath (see photo below).

But what about Asano? Has Orugasuma forgotten his mark? Well, winter has set in, and Orugasuma decides to stay where it's warm and cozy. Asano has not been forgotten, but he can wait. In the meantime, the Ako retainers send ninja after Orugasuma and between taking care of the ladies and ninjers, Brick stays quite busy-buying time for Asano to sneak out of the Yoshiwara so he can attend to his official duties at Edo Castle. The movie ends in 1703-with Orugasuma realizing that he really has spent too much time in the Yoshiwara and it's time to ramble on. Asano is dead-he proceeded to get himself in a lot of trouble and had to commit seppuku in March 1701, but a grudge match with the ronin of Ako looms on the horizon. This new chapter will be dealt with in the third and final installment of the Shogun Sexecutioner series, and the film is tentatively called The 69th Ronin. Pre-production activity for this film is underway.

And the Brickster's reply:
"Thanks, Obenjo! That was a very rewardin' scene to pull off as an actor-revealin' the Brickster's vulnerability and yet showcase his optomistic never-say-die approach to life. And chicks that like to use three names just eat up that socially relevant crap.
Our musical composer did a really kickass job of adaptin' Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" and Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" for the samisen, too! Nothin' like havin' the right Japanese traditional music to dance to.
I'd also like to give a big tip of the Brickster's hat to my special FX guys, fer makin' me larger than life (so to speak)."

21) Immediately followin' that is the sequel, Shogun Sexecutioner III: The 69th Ronin. We're usin' a lot of the same sets, crews, and actors from part II to bring the trilogy to a triumphant climax. Filmin' started on October 3rd, 2008 and we hope to have everythin' ready for that all-important Christmas/New Year's release when all the schoolgirls are out of school. In this one, Orugasuma Eito deals with the infamous 47 Ronin, gettin' his revenge for their interference in fulfillin' his contract on Asano in part two. The script for this one is great, with lots of wild twists 'n turns-but don't worry, ladies, the Brickster comes out on top as always. To the left is an early publicity shot.

22) Our New Year's special for late 2008/early 2009 is the religious epic Cum All Ye Faithful, where I play a Jesuit monk convertin' the masses in fine style durin' the Sengoku. We even delayed the wrap on Shogun Sexecutioner III to get this important social commentary film ready for airin'. Here's a publicity shot of Brother Jesus 'Pepe' DeMarco gettin' ready to perform mass (sex, that is) with his converts:

Here's the official press release, still warm from the copyin' machine:

Coming for New Year's to Samurai Action Channel is the newest film from American film idol Brick McBurly, star of the hit show 'Abarenbo Gaijin' and the popular 'Shogun Sexecutioner' series. In this new epic, "Cum All Ye Faithful", Brick is Brother Jesus "Pepe" DeMarco, former adventurer and all around scoundrel. After getting caught in bed with the wife of the governor of Castilla Vieja, DeMarco is forced on the lam and enters the Brotherhood to avoid the wrath of the vengeful governor. Always looking for fun and adventure, Pepe is lured to the Japans by tales of beauties whose eager wells to their souls need special salvation. Besides, the Church begs DeMarco to help establish its nascent position. How could he not agree to be a propagator of the faith? Our new Brother soon finds himself 'converting' woman-folk at a very rapid rate, so much so, that special mass conversions are arranged. At these special masses, Demarco gives them the "embodiment" of Jesus (himself or his namesake?). Brother DeMarco then breezes through all the ladies in waiting of a wife of a particularly important daimyo, Hosokawa Tadaoki, played by Hard Gay, who challenges DeMarco to a duel. At that point, other senior clerics, along with Hosokawa's recently 'converted' wife, Gracia, for the sake of the faith and DeMarco's life, urge Pepe to leave Japan--but not before the ninja attack. Hosokawa sends six ninjers after DeMarco but they get wasted by him and some nude women whom he was in the process of 'converting'. The women are all trained in the deadly art of the boobie slap, and use it to deadly effect against the ninjers. One even loses an eye to a nipple poke. DeMarco is then seen setting sail for more adventure with throngs in thongs of new female converts waving from the shore. Please watch for our humble movie and don't forget to ask for Samurai Action Package from your local cable provider !

 23) Koyori's first starrin' role was in the New Year's special Chu-she-ngura (2008). As a favor to her dad and to show my love and support for her, I agreed to make a cameo as Asano Naganori. Well, after all, I DO want my contract renewed. Anyway, here's the official press release:

"The story of the 47 Ronin is one that warms the hearts of the Japanese people every holiday season. But never before has the entire truth of the loyal retainers been told-until now. Startling new evidence and the latest in historical research have been incorporated into Toei’s lavish new television New Year’s special, “Chu-she-ngura”.

When the lord of Ako, Asano Naganori (a guest-starring role played by famous American action film star Brick McBurly), takes to the streets of the Yoshiwara district to satiate his wicked desires, he is set upon by a rabid dog that has escaped capture due to the Animal Protection edicts of Shogun Tokugawa Tsunayoshi. Asano drags himself back to his mansion, only to find that he has become infected by rabies. His retainers do their best to mask this from the Shogunate (despite Asano’s newfound insistence on being called スパット), but the truth emerges in Edo Castle’s Hall Of Pines. The confused Asano mistakes Lord Kira Yoshinaka for a fire hydrant and tries to relieve himself upon him. When confronted with a moving target, Asano becomes enraged and attempts to strike the rebellious hydrant down. In the wake of the attack, Tsunayoshi proclaims that Asano has been a ‘bad boy’ and must be put down.

Now finding themselves ronin, the former retainers of Asano band together to plot their revenge under the command of Osihi Kuranosuke-played by starlet Koyori McBurly. Yes, that’s right-the leader of the Ako ronin was really a woman! Historians have established that Asano promoted his vassals on their ability to procure women for his amusement-and who better at doing so than the madame of the biggest house of prostitution in Edo? While all the men of Ako write Asano off as a selfish and rather silly samurai, the women of Edo swear revenge. Now that Asano is no longer around to keep the pleasure houses solvent, there is no shortage of volunteers amongst the dispossessed prostitutes of the Yoshiwara looking to take out their hissy fits on the incorruptible Lord Kira. They come together one cold, snowy evening in order to teach him a lesson he won’t soon forget…

Please watch for our humble program, Chu-she-ngura, this New Year’s day on Samurai Action Channel!"

24) In April of 2009, filming commenced on the historical epic Yasuke: The Human Tornado with my bad self in the title role. Who-or what-is Yasuke? Well, the interview the Samurai Archives did with the Brickster sums it up nicely:

"As you know, Yasuke was an African brought along by the Portuguese while visitin’ Nobunaga. Oda took an interest in him and requested that the Portuguese hand over Yasuke, which they were only too happy to do since they really didn’t groove on rap. It’s really quite the upliftin’ story. Yasuke-kidnapped and forced into slavery-torn away from his posse and beeyotches-forced to wear the ridiculous lookin’ clothes of the Portuguese. Strugglin’ to keep his head high and uphold his dignity while assaulted by the taunts and abuse of Nobunaga’s redneck country samurai, who even tried to wash off his skin color. Becomin’ the REAL Afro Samurai and followin’ the way of the warrior. Carvin’ out a friendship with the Demon King, even bein’ afforded the privilege of callin’ him ‘dawg’. Standin’ by Nobunaga until the very end, not even givin’ in to the temptin’ words of the Great Emancipator, Akechi Mitsuhide. Now, there are some who said Yasuke ran like a scared rabbit when Mitsuhide attacked at Honno-ji, but he really was just battlin’ through overwhelmin’ odds to reach Nijo Castle and defend Nobunaga’s son. Course, the son got wasted too, but that wasn’t Yasuke’s fault. Heck, some tales have him swingin’ a terrible swift sword as big as a pine tree, showin’ the strength of fifty men, and scatterin’ the Akechi army like so much dust before the wind-even though they somehow managed to kill off everybody else in the Oda army. And he did it all faster than that newfangled steam hammer could, too. Since history doesn’t record what became of Yasuke after that, the script ends on a happy note with him becomin’ the founder of the Yoshiwara district in Edo years later, with his instant catchphrase, “Where my money?” The Studio loves the idea, and since all Westerners look the same and just like Elvis to them, they didn’t have the problems with me playin’ the title role like an American studio would."

25) I also had a short cameo in Oppai Volleyball (Boob Volleyball), an epic where a sexy young Japanese schoolteacher promises to show her charges on the high school boy's volleyball team her rack-IF they can win the big game. You can read more about the film and how I ended up in it (along with a trailer) on the April 27, 2009 edition of the Monogatari.

26) Since as you all know by now Abarenbo Gaijin Season 3 has been pushed back to early 2010 (thanks to the lousy economy), the Studio's decided to come out with a theatrical release of the show to tide things over and keep interest high. In the tradition of many Japanese TV series that do the same thing, it'll result in some nice CG and stock footage that the weekly show can recycle, makin' it cheaper to produce. The title'll be "Abarenbo Gaijin: Swords Touching Across Time On The Mystic Island Beyond The Looking Glass (2009)". Yeah, it's wordy, ain't it? And I'm happy to report that swords ain't the only thing that are gonna be touchin'. The basic premise of the movie is that the evil kami Beechou that has the hots for the Brickster (raisin' the question of whether such a wise being can truly be evil) has seen Koyori in the mirror of Amaterasu. She puts Koyori into a coma and ensconces her on the Mystic Island so as to eliminate the competition. However, she's underestimated the Brickster's devotion to his gal (not to mention the fact that she's holdin' the winnin' lottery ticket in the Ako Han Sweepstakes, worth a cool million Ryo). This is another clever cost cuttin' measure since Ko only has to appear in the beginnin' and end of the film, with a body double used the rest of the time.

The Brickster sets out to find the gorgeous Koyori and awaken her from her stupor with a kiss...not to mention some other time-tested esoteric Kama Sutra techniques. Along the way, the Abarenbo Gaijin universe takes its first steps outside the pre-modern eras of Japanese history as the Brickster frantically uses his arcane Shingon scroll and his pal Seimei's dubious onmyodo skillz to travel through dimensions and time lookin' for that damned Mystic Island. Got any idea how many of them there are out there? Some of the worlds include WWII era Japan, a world where spandex clad teams of super heroes battle aliens and monsters, a Manga world (this part's kinda like Roger Rabbit-the real Brickster interacts with long legged chicks in schoolgirl uniforms with swords and eyes the size of dinner plates), the legendary Great Miyako Pillow Fight, and even briefly the Brickster's own time as he reunites with his mentor, elderly professor Chiba Tsunetane. The big surprise arrives when it's revealed that the Professor's deceased daughter (who was mentioned WAY back in episode one of the weekly show) was the reincarnation of Koyori, and holds the key to her revival. Well, I guess it ain't gonna be such a surprise now-but anyway, the Brickster foregoes stayin' in his own time to learn the sekrit that will save Koyori (and maybe have a little fun with her reincarnated self-I mean, it's not like it would really be cheatin', or anythin'...).

Both Seimei and Koyori return from the TV series, but there are new characters as well. Pictured is the Brickster and his new sidekick, the ghost of Aruga Kosaku, the Captain of the WWII Japanese Superbattleship Yamato. Aruga decides it'd be lots more fun to scare the hell out of civilians and help out the Brickster than to continue sulkin' in the sunken hull of the Yamato. Hilarity ensures, and the Captain's wacky antics even attract the notice of a well-known group of paranormal investigators and eliminators who I ain't allowed to mention yet since we haven't nailed down a licensin' deal. We'll probably just go the Chinese route and use the same group with new names to save money. Anyway, this classic'll be hauntin' movie screens this holiday season in Japan-I think it might be runnin' on a double bill with a Hamataro film or somethin', since the kids'll love it.
27) As luck would have it, the Brickster’s newest film ties in with one of the hottest topics on the SA. I’m referrin’, of course, to Korean Admiral Yi, whose reputation among the people of Korea was exceeded only by his love fer hisself. In these tough economic times, The Studio has decided to throw in their lot with a Korean production company. They’re plannin’ a sequel to the recent Korean blockbuster comedy maxi-series, “The Immortal Yi Soon Shin”. Here’s the official press release:

Following in the footsteps of the recent Korean blockbuster comedy maxi-series, “The Immortal Yi Soon Shin”, is the sequel-starring Japan’s most famous foreign film actor!

Brick McBurly IS “The Immoral Yi Soon Shin


Yes, that wacky Korean Admiral and his crew of lovable misfits are back for more mischief, but this time on the BIG SCREEN! Think that the legend of Admiral Yi ended with his death at the battle of Noryang? Well, guess again, Bucko! Admiral Yi, nauseated by the fawning and unwanted attention of his legions of hero worshippers, has taken a page out of his idol Elvis’s playbook and FAKED HIS OWN DEATH! That’s right-the good Admiral is ship-shape and ready to take the fight to Japan! With his handpicked crew of jolly jack tars, Yi stows away on a Japanese boat filled with Korean captives on its way back to the Land of the Rising Sun. And wouldn’t you just know it-that ship is FILLED with Korea’s most gorgeous starlets! While Yi and his lusty crew throw themselves into the task of liberating the gals (from their virginity), Korean Rear Admiral Kim Ledbotum suspects that Yi is still alive and, determined to court-martial him, sets out in hot pursuit. Ledbotum chases Yi from one part of Japan to the next, leading to the climatic showdown taking place during the Great Miyako Pillow Fight! Can’t you just FEEL the excitement in this excerpt from the script?



Yi writing in his battle record superimposed over a collage of action shots


However, about four hundred, exhausted women, finding no way to escape, deserted their pillows and fled ashore, while the remaining Japanese women (one large busted, seven medium, and six small) who had been showing their behinds during the battle, seeing from afar the whoreable sight of burning passions and falling trousers, hauled their asses very fast and fled in all directions. Memo to self: look up definition of 'run on sentence.'

Can Yi and his new Japanese allies, the Shrine Maidens of Izu, along with Elvis (played to perfection by the Brickster’s feisty sidekick, Hikonyan), possibly stand against the might of the Korean navy? Make sure to stick around for the stunning conclusion, where it’s revealed EVERYTHING in world history originated in Korea!

And who better to play Admiral Yi than the only man with an ego as big as his-that being jidai-geki star Brick McBurly! The Brickster has been graciously lent out to Gochu Productions to bring Admiral Yi’s glory to full mast on the wide-and LONG-screen! The Brickster’s take on Yi is historically accurate down to the...biggest detail, whether he’s engaged in a dancing contest with Kato Kiyomasa or getting revenge on the insane evil monkey god Hideyoshi by playing ‘Dock The Turtleboat’ with Nene! Yi frees the slaves! Adopts all the Korean war orphans with Angelina Jolie! Invents a cure for cancer! Introduces the Schoolgirl Sailor Suit to Japan while finding a new crew! He even turns himself into an atom bomb and blows up Japan (they got better)! One thing’s for sure-there’ll be no buggery or god-cursed sodomites* in this film-just good old fashioned fornication on the high seas!

*Obscure Shogun Reference, if you’re keeping score

Co-Starring Koyori McBurly as Izu High Priestess Makura Nage
Special Appearance by “Crouching Tiger” Woods as Yasuke
The Immoral Yi Soon Shin (2010)
28) Abarenbo Gaijin: Season 3 (2010) has wrapped, with the Brickster, Koyori, and Seimei reprisin' their original roles to bring justice to premodern Japan and foil the nefarious plan to steal the sekrits of time travel of the evil Ego Ninja clan (led by Hattori Hanzo I-XII).  This year our heroes are joined by the ghost of the Captain of the Japanese WWII Superbattleship Yamato, Aruga Kosaku. You can read more about the season three lineup in the Abarenbo Gaijin section elsewhere on the site and keep up with the latest happenin's on McBurly Monogatari.

29) It's been awhile between big screen appearances fer the Brickster-almost a year when "The Immoral Yi Soon Shin" was released. What with the upgrades done to the TV show and my appearances on J-variety programming, there wasn't much time to shoehorn in an entry for the local multiplex. However, the Brickster's pleased to announce the impendin' release of what's sure to be a blockbuster even bigger then "Samurai Sexecutioner". The studio is so impressed with the film that they gave it a limited release in two theaters in December so's it could qualify for the Japanese Academy Awards. Don't believe the rumors that the Studio did it so they could take it as a tax write-off for 2010. So, what is my new epic? It's a film based on the adventures of one of the most famous samurai of the Sengoku-someone so compelling that he was even included in Georgia Coffee's 'Sengoku Busho' series of coffee cans. A samurai that not only only fought with his sword, but with his mind-not to mention what he wuz carryin' around in his hakama. Yes, it's "Maeda Keiji-Sengoku Stud". Based on the best-selling computer game of the same name, this tale relates the story of the fabled "Vagabound Of The Maeda" as he roams the length and breadth of Japan with his faithful horse Matsukaze (played by Cuddles McBurly in her first co-starring role). Keiji has hit upon the idea of hiring himself out as a security consultant, seeing to the defense of daimyo castles while they're away at war. Not only does this keep him safely away from the dangers of the battlefield, but puts him right in the middle of hordes of women bereft of male companionship! Need I say more? This movie is a big step forward for women's rights in Japan, as when one of the castles Keiji is 'defending' actually comes under attack, he gathers the women of the castle together and sends them forth to confront the enemy on his behalf. You've never seen samurai combat quite like this! In the next couple of weeks we'll be providin' the official press release along with the reviews done by critics who saw the limited run in December. The film goes into general release February 25th in selected locations around Japan. Either that, or straight to video, dependin' on how drunk Ko's father is when I try to sneak the distribution deal past him. Anyway, just as a special treat for readers of McBurly Monogatari, here's one of the publicity stills (which our photog Obenjo Kusanosuke did up in an old fashioned 60's chanbara film style):

30) Looks like the Brickster's Dream Project has finally come to fruition-in more ways than one. You all remember that sappy movie "Ramen Girl"-the one with the chick that went to Tokyo, got dumped, and tried findin' true love through learnin' how ta cook ramen? Well, if ya don't, here's a review Kitsuno did on the Samurai Archives. Yeah, I'm bettin' he really sekritly loved it. Anyway, I've always thought it's a crime that someone didn't produce a sequel told from the point of view of the opposite sex. But now they have! Well, sorta, since I still hafta write the script and do a few other equally minor things. But since it's so ultra-low budget (the only 'special effect' is Mr. Crackers, and my beeg friend don't need no steenkin' CG) and I promised to hire lots of the studio exec's daughters, it's already been green-lit by The Studio fer a late 2011 release. Are you ready for-The Udon Man (2011)? Well, no doubt lots of the ladies will be waitin' in line to experience the pleasure of the Brickster's special brand of Bukkake Udon. Now, even though I brought it up awhile back, fer those of ya who ain't quite sure what 'bukkake' means, ya may want ta Google it or go to this link that the Brickster has thoughtfully provided. And if that don't do the trick, the tag line for the film poster (as seen below) should spell it out. There will be a few changes made to the proud tradition of bukkake-for example, the Brickster's always been a one man show and that ain't changin'. The ladies frequentin' my Udon restaurant will be comprisin' the 'group' here. Otherwise, it promises to be the 'feel good' movie of the summer, except that it'll be out closer to New Year's, but I'll be feelin' good way before that.

31) The news from the Brickster's camp just keeps gettin' better and better! Not only has "Udon Man" (my unofficial sequel to "Ramen Girl") gotten the green light, but The Studio has even decided to release it as part of an ALL-BRICKSTER double feature! OK, granted, they expect to pay me once fer actin' in both, but with the brutal yen-dollar exchange rate, I figgur I'm comin' out ahead anyway.

So what's this sure-to-be-classic gonna be? Well, it's a bit of a departure for the Brtickster-it's based on a famous work of Japanese literature. You've all heard of Sei Shonagon, right? She's that feisty history grrrllll from the tenth and eleventh century who was a Court Lady to Empress Teishi. She wrote the epic "Makura No Soshi", or as it's known in the West, "The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon". It's one of the most important works of the era, givin' historians a look into the daily life and traditions of the Imperial Court, along with the poetry and religious conventions of the day-you know, stuff that nobody really gives a rat's ass about but that sure make you look like you're smart.

Now, for all its fame, that ain't to say that El Brickatore's unique approach can't improve it! You just KNOW that there was all kinds of stuff left out.  After all, no less a personage than Arthur Waley has labeled Sei a 'courtesan'-so you know that bedroom antics woulda been a big part of the original unexpurgated version of Makura No Soshi, not the watered down version that's filtered down to the 21st century (the Brickster bein' a victim of this sorta thing hisself after havin' his promo declared TOO HOT fer the SA Podcast). And the Brickster bein' the history buff that he is, he's acquired an ORIGINAL COPY of this epic-or at least a transcribed verison of the original, which is held by a HIGHLY PLACED MEMBER of the SA whose name I can't divulge. And the original title shows just how different the book originally was-Heian publishers early on changed it to the mundane current "Makura no Soshi" from what Sei Shonagon had originally intended it to be. But our film will be restorin' it-so as you can see from the promo poster, make sure you keep yer eyes open for "Makura no Seishi" (2011)! You know that Sei would approve.

32) Abarenbo Gaijin, The Anime (2013)-
One more of my many odd jobs at the studio durin' the great hiatus of 2012 was doin' VO work for third string characters in the anime that The Studio's animation division churns out. The big shots were so impressed with my work that they decided they were gonna make "Abarenbo Gaijin" into an anime! Here's a peek at some production art along with dialogue added by the artist so ya know what the hell was supposed to be happenin' (and who knows, maybe the accountants here will take things one step further and turn it into manga at some point). This is from episode five, markin' the return of feared loyalist drunkard Kuraku'd Tengu to the Abarenbo Gaijin universe. These are ALL-NEW stories bein' told for the 13 episode run, but you'll be seein' all yer fav'rites-Koyori, Seimei, Cuddles, those feisty warrior shrine maidens, Musashi, Susan-no-o, Hattori Hanzo the 69th, and the Brickster's own bad self. You'll also see new characters like Usagiboya-the drunken, fanboyish, soiled hakama wearin' sammyrai rabbit who hates everythin' and everyone (except overrated cartoonists). How can you go wrong? Hey ladies, fer all you know, the Brickster was naked while VO'in every one of these soon-to-be-classics! You can dream, cantcha?

Brick's Appearances In Other Media

In February of 2009, the Brickster appeared in the samurai warfare simulation game for PC's, Takeda 3 (if you'll recall, I also was in Takeda 2). The game uses the 'Randy Schadel' character from my first Japanese films, 'Idiot Foreign Son-In-Law' and 'Idiot Foreign Son-In-Law Must Die'.  The game also features my father-in-law from the films (and real life), Chiba Naomasa. We're both generals in Nagao Kagetora's (Uesugi Kenshin). You can read more about it and see screen shots in the March 16, 2009 entry on McBurly Monogatari.

So, what does the future hold? Well, there’s a pilot for Abarenbo Gaijin:The Anime in the works along with season four of the live action show. I do lots of guest shots on Japanese entertainment shows, and there’s a possibility I’ll be in the George Clooney remake of Seven Samurai (we just need to get rid of George first). I entered the field of literature in 2007, gettin' an acknowledgement in Japan And Her People by Anna Hartshorne (read more about it and buy a copy HERE) fer a short piece that I wrote in tandem with my pal Tatsu (the back cover of the book)-maybe more insightful writin' lies in my future as well.  Keep your eyes glued here for more news!