A week or so ago the Brickster was checkin’ out the Samurai Archives Citadel when he came across a topic that centered on samurai gay porn novels (or as the authors like to sugar coat ‘em, ‘yaoi’ or ‘manlove’). This got me to thinkin’. That’s got to be a real specialized niche market-a small market, but deep. I kinda even doubt that it’s mainly gay men readin’ ‘em-probably just a bunch of bitter women who got issues with men and wish that’d we’d jump on each other and leave them the hell alone. Anyway, that ain’t the point, which is-just think how much money there is to be made by someone smart enough to write romance novels for normal, heterosexual men! And who knows more about romance and true love, not to mention bein’ a real man, than the Brickster? I’ve made a livin’ at it. So, we’re proud to introduce our new line of monthly Brick McBurly Romances For Real Men!

Every Brick McBurly Romance is written by one of the top authors of erotica in Japan and the USA. On the table already we’ve got instant classics by Pullitsir Prize winner Obenjo Kusanosuke, Chiba Miko-No-Kami, and the infamous Man In The Black Socks. And every one is lavishly illustrated with over 100 photos, just for you guys that like visual aids with yer readin’ matter.

Do you like long romantic candlelit dinners? Cuddlin’ on the sofa while whisperin’ sweet words of love? Walkin’ hand in hand down the beach under a romantic full moon? Well, then, stop readin’ here because there ain’t time for any of that crap in Brick McBurly romances. We get right to the heart of the matter, as the openin’ page of our initial offerin’ shows:

Brick McBurly is Kato Kiyomasa in "Kiyomasa’s Great Korean Pussy Hunt" by Obenjo Kusanosuke

Chapter One: Dangerous Liaisons

Kiyomasa cooed, "Hello, Kitty. Come out come out where ever you are! Papa wants to thrust his big spear deep inside of you! Don't make him wait any longer! He can't stand it! Oh come on, Kitty. Don’t be such a tease. You’re gonna make me explode if I can't bag you! Time is running short and I need to get back to my camp, so let's make this a quickie. Whaddya say, baby?"

"Ah, there he is," she thought to herself as she vigorously rubbed her dense pelt against the thick trunk of a tree. The mere scent of the man, "papa", got her juices flowing. If she did manage to pin this man on the ground, she'd savor the moment and take him right there and then. Already she envisioned herself clawing at his armor and his clothes in a frenzied desire to get to his flesh. Kitty found herself purring in anticipation--she could almost taste him and involuntarily licked her lips.

At the same moment, Kiyomasa spotted Kitty. She was a gorgeous pussy and he too, had to have her as much as she wanted him. He couldn't wait to gore her and his body tensed with excitement as he gripped his pole tightly and guided his spearhead home… "

Whew-talk about hot! As Bill Shatner would say, "My Captain’s Log is tinglin’ with anticipation!"

 

There’s somethin’ for everyone in Brick McBurly Romances. Take these excerpts from "Orochi, The Eight Headed Serpent" by Chiba Miko-No-Kami:

There’s High Adventure:

Brick looked with bemusement on the unconscious bodies of the Loyalists from Choshu scattered around the tea room. What was up with this kill the foreigners crap? They might be master swordsmen, he thought, but they ain’t no match for my twisker punch. One of the hardier specimens managed to drag himself into a sitting position and partially open one of his swollen-shut eyes.

Brick crouched down next to him and gave him a friendly smile.

"Ya know," Brick said, "You guys wouldn’t be so high strung and bitter if you’d get laid once in a while."

Characters men can relate to:

Rina threw back her head and quaffed yet another round of sake. Damn, can this broad ever hold her liquor, thought Brick. Still, seeing the glazed look of unbridled lust in her eyes, he knew the 300 yen he had spent on wine would not be wasted. A curious stirring in his trousers not unlike that of the twitching tails of the snake god Orochi alerted Brick to the fact that there was a party soon to be going on down there-and Rina was to be the guest of honor, with Mr. Crackers as MC. Suddenly, the sake cup tumbled from Rina’s outstretched hand and shattered with a light tinkle of porcelain on the serving tray. Her body followed suit, crashing into the tray before sliding off onto the tatami. Truly, mused Brick, this was a sign from the Buddha that he and Rina were fated to lie together as one. As he began to remove his jeans, he marveled at how wise the Japanese were in removing their shoes upon entering the house-it certainly facilitated the rapid removal of pants. How did circus clowns ever deal with that? Even with bell bottoms, you couldn’t pull them off over shoes THAT big.

Characters women can relate to:

"Koyori cried out, "No, Brick! Anything but that! Please, no-no!"

"Aw, c’mon, babe. Everyone does it. It’s perfectly natural. There’s no need to be ashamed. Hell, it’s just a schoolgirl uniform, fer crissakes."

Inwardly, Koyori smiled as she donned the uniform and smoothed out the creases. How little it took to please a man! Soon, this dung eating fool would be broken to her leash and his life would be hers to control.

Drama:

"You’re WHAT?!?!?!"

Suspense:

"What time did you say your husband’s comin’ home?"

Light Hearted Humor:

"…and so Hideyoshi turns around and says, "Crunchbird-my ass! Har-har-har!"

The Friendships and Honest Moments Of A Relationship:

"Brick, could I have 500 gold pieces? I want to go down to Matsuya and pick out some new robes and hair ornaments," entreated Osen as she busily tied the sash on her robe.

"500 gold pieces?!?!" bellowed Brick. "What, do I look like Ogami Itto or somethin'?"

"Well, I suppose I could get by with 350…" cooed Osen in her sweetest voice. "Pleeeeeeaseeeeeee….."

Brick sighed and pulled out his wallet. As he counted out the princely sum, he was reminded that all women were prostitutes-it was just a question of when you were gonna pay for it.

"Oh, thank you dear. Truly, you are the generous and bountiful minister." Osen finished tying her sash and looked behind her to survey her handiwork. A frown creased her usually lineless face. "Brick, do you think this kimono makes my bottom look big?"

Brick answered, "No, babe, it don’t. Your ass is just big naturally."

Osen’s mouth opened in astonishment. "Briiiiiickkkkkkkk! How can you say such things! I’ve lost a lot of weight the last few weeks."

Brick shrugged his shoulders and said, "Just turn around. You’ll find it."

Osen directed a string of curses at Brick, snatched the gold from his hand, and stormed out the front gate of the mansion.

Tender, warm hearted moments of love, vulnerability, and real commitment:

"Oh, Brick!" sighed Mayumi as she gently stoked Brick’s impeccably groomed hair. "Now that our bodies have joined as one, I feel as if our spirits also are as one. Truly, the kami have smiled upon our union and I feel as if our love will last through seven lifetimes. Never will I leave your side despite what difficulties the gods might invent to test our resolve. My heart and soul belong to you, and I am yours in every way. Let us embrace and bask in the glory of our fulfilled passions."

"Wha….huh?!?" mumbled Brick as he was roused from his post coital slumber. "Oh, yeah, sure, babe, whatever you say. Right after you get up and get me some sake. And a couple of those nice rice balls, too."

And  REAL ULTIMATE POWER!

"So much for my opening act-now on to the main event! One, two, three...Brick, if you EVER want any of this again", teased Koyori as with a gentle whisper of silk she let her robe fall lightly from her shoulders, "you’re going to do EXACTLY what I say. And wipe that drool off your chin."

It kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don’t it? I’m gettin’ all weepy myself.

So watch for Brick McBurly Romances For Real Men, comin’ soon to yer local honya. Look for them next to the naughty manga (you know, where Ashigaru hangs out)!